Beautiful. Gorgeous. Pretty.
Posted by: shira85 on: September 27, 2009
I never really thought I was the most attractive girl. I considered myself to be pretty, but mostly cute. All of my life, I have had low self-esteem when it comes to looks. And to this day I have so many insecure days. As I write this post I am battling myself because of my weight, the death of healthy hair, and the sorry excuse of a wardrobe I have. I decided to create a slideshow of pics that show me at my best, hair/makeup/clothes. For a moment the slideshow made me think, wow I can be beautiful. Once it was over however, my insecurities flared up because I know that right now I don’t look like that anymore. We are our toughest critics, so true. But at the same time, I don’t remember ever being regarded as a pretty girl. My older brother once told my cousin and I that boys would like her for her face and me for my body. My grandmother once told me, “Shira you are turning out to be a beautiful girl, I wasn’t so sure when you were little..” I remember being in a group of girls walking down the block and hearing some kind of nickname hollered out for every other girl but me “yo lightskin,”. And I have gotten this plenty of times “you are pretty for a dark skinned girl” What the hell does that mean? I have only had 2 real relationships and I dont recall many boys crushing on me back in the day. But I’m supposed to believe that I’m beautiful. I guess. Most of my childhood I was teased for my full lips. My hair is short and it seems that it will never be long. I never dressed the best, still dont, too broke. SO WHAT MAKES ME BEAUTIFUL? Of course I’m a beautiful, like on the inside, person. But I’m not talking about my generousity, my tender heart, my loving spirit, my selflessness, my compassion. I’m talking about my eyes, my nose, my lips, my smile, my cheekbones (or lack thereof) my complexion, my height, my weight, my body proportion, my hair, im talking about the outward Tashira. The problem is, and I do acknowledge this, if I don’t think I’m beautiful how do I expect you all? I have a friend, her name is Mellissa. This girl is absolutely postively one of the flyest, most beautiful, sexiest women I know. Not to mention she’s tall, slim, and a friggin model! But Mellissa often tells me that I am beautiful. But she says it in a way that makes the word beautiful seem like the highest compliment in the world. As if beautiful means heavenly or even regal. It makes me feel temporarily great on the inside. But the truth of it all, is that I dont see beautiful when I look in the mirror. I see tired, stressed, worn, aged, unhealthy, worry, I see depression. And it makes me cry, inside and out. I know alot of my close friends will read this blog and I will receive some texts, calls and facebooks messages telling me to stop being stupid. But I guess this is my way of reaching out to you all for help. My perception of myself is WARPED. i do not see what you all see. I am ugly.
6 Responses to "Beautiful. Gorgeous. Pretty."
My dear Tashira,
Normally, I wouldn’t put this out here but you’ve compelled me to do so. First, since we met and became friends, I’ve looked up to you as an intelligent, strong, beautiful black woman. You are caring, creative, a dreamer, a great mommy, and exude positivity. But alas, I can identify with how you feel. I too am battling with my weight, my “sorry excuse” for a wardrobe, and also my skin complexion. Actually, I don’t know why but a less than favorable relative has me questioning since yesterday whether I am girlie enough–i.e. the one whose always in full makeup with my hair done and a cute wardrobe. I don’t know why, maybe its because she seemed to show favoritism to my younger cousin who exudes all these things, yet does nothing but criticizes me and some other members of my family. Maybe its a culmination of all those things I first mentioned and this is the icing on the cake. I thought as I got older I would feel even more secure in myself but it seems just the opposite is happening. But anyway, the point is I’m glad you did this post–personally, it helps me to realize I have someone who can relate to my inner turmoil. I think we can help each other get past all this. It sounds like maybe this was just one of those days…
I was gonna tell you to stop being stupid because you’re gorgeous but the thing is I’ve been there and I know what it feels like when you don’t think you’re pretty.
I would say that its a choice that you have to make for yourself. You have to wake up everyday and BELIEVE that you are really beautiful and then you have to get in the habit of reminding yourself that you’re beautiful.
Don’t just wait for us to tell you cause sometimes we’ll forget.
And honestly, I think you not having a lot of boyfriends has anything to do with your look but moreso the fact that you’re quiet and BOYS appreciate the girls who are more flashy.
As for the clothes, we can’t go shopping but we can go thrifting and I’m sure we can fix some stuff up.
Love ya!!!!!
Tashira,
Self-esteem has always been a big issue for me. I thought I was some sort of oddity since I never heard guys talking about things like diets and weight issues and appearance like that. Since opening up about my issues and talking to my friends candidly about them, I’ve realized that they encompass quite the common struggle.
It may sound cliche, but inward beauty is worth so much more than what people tout as its outward equivalent. I’ve always seen you as beautiful, and going back to the time that we shared in class or that I’d see you around campus it wasn’t solely based on your physical features. You ARE beautiful and very attractive physically, but the characteristics of your inner self augment and compliment that immensely.
Don’t fall into the trap that so many of us do. Love yourself for who you are, and recognize the value that you bring to this world. If you have to remind yourself every day for the rest of your life, do so without hesitation. You’re worth it 
My Dear Sista
As I read your blog post I think, wow “One more thing Tashira and I have in common.” I could probably vocalize my thoughts a littler better than writing them (that’s your gift), but I will try.
Its amazing how two ladies who grew up in two different parts of the nation could have such a similar experience. I too heard the comments “You’re very pretty for a black/dark girl”. And have had self-image issues because of my complexion and upbringing. Being a dark-skinned girl in the south is not the most pleasant experience. I guess the only positive thing (if this is positive) is hearing “You have such pretty long hair for a black girl, are you mixed with Indian or anything?” Wow, the things our people say. Many of times there would be some guy in grade/high school that I would have a crush on and then have my little feelings hurt when he or one of his friends will say to me “You don’t have a chance, because X does not like/date dark girls.” Its damaging to a little girls psyche. But growing up, you learn to have tough skin. And thank god for Howard University. Being at a HBCU was refreshing, you’re around so many students who look like you and variations of you (through the hue scheme), that you don’t have to hear that awful saying “you’re pretty for a black girl” and just enjoy being you. Which Howard taught me was the wonderful work of those that enslaved us. Our image of “beautiful” is warped. They made us feel like black was dirty, and ugly, and to hate-ourselves. Its up to US to fight this complex. Shish, you’re beautiful inside and out. Some people may wish they had the things you have, your shape, your skin, your characteristics, your friends (we’re all wonderful), your family, etc… If I may repeat Eric Jackson by saying, it takes a bad B%#@H to nab my best friend (many have tried and failed) and produce such a handsome son, while keeping your dynamic, sensitive yet sexy temperament.
Much Love,
Sunshine
To my beautiful sister Tashira and all the Ladies responding to this blog!!!
i can’t help but feel pain when i read the words on this page!! i almost came to tears. We as black women are often taught that our beauty lies within our blackness, that’s not so. and as women in general we are also being taught that beauty is only skin deep. the vision or images of beauty that are displayed in the media does not emulate who we really are. we see slim women dressed in high fashion and living a life of “beauty” and “luxury”. And any plus sized woman that enters the industry winds up losing weight after awhile. (what a message!) as a result the average woman measures her life to this imagery and determines that she is either not beautiful or luxurous enough, unattractive, even undireable. we must remember we come in all shapes and sizes and various shades of color. and by God, what is luxury? the luxuries in my life are the blessings that God bestowed upon me; life, liberty and the persuit of happiness. food on my table clothes on my back and the love of an awesome family. The blessing of being a mom and many so many other things. These are the common luxuries that many people are struggling or striving to have and God saw fit for me to have them therfore i thank him every day. some people have one outfit and while we complain about our tired wardrobes we still have at least two weeks of clothes to work with. LOL!
Now as for Beauty, it begins from within and is a combination of your personality, your strengths, and yes even your weeknesses. Your confidence and contentment that you know who you are and that no one can take that from you makes you even more attractive. How you feel is how you will look. each one of you have to look within and find the place that will allow you the understanding that you did not come from a rubber stamp or carbon copy and that each one of us are uniquely beautiful. i believe that i have met you all and i have not seen one “ugly” person. Don’t let people or the media define who you are or how you should look because then it will define how you should feel, ie depressed. i beg you to you look within and find what you feel is beautiful about you. then and only then will you begin to exuberate the beauty that God has so graciously given you. I’ve been through it tto and i can honestly tell you that money, makeup, clothing, and compliments from others are only temporary fixes. if these are the things we totally depend on then we will be forever empty!
love you ladies and be blessed!!!
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1 | Eric jackson
September 27, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Shi shi u must be on crack cuz u’s a bad b$&@? Not only did u lock down my bro who was a winner bak in the day but I would end or of my longest friendships just to spoon you. You have some gorgeous pics that dare bear took.
Ps although ur son is sort of wimpy. He is a good looking kid cuz he looks a lot like his mama. Plus your hair must be fire cuz Darius hair ain’t shit and xav got some “good” hair. Run a mile toss on some lipstick look in the mirror and you’ll see a bad b$;8: